Crapshoot: The worst-named recreation ever made

From 2010 to 2014 Richard Cobbett wrote Crapshoot, a column about rolling the cube to carry random obscure video games again into the sunshine. This week, we’re holding out for a hero. Sorry, wait. We’re holding our fingers over our mouths to keep away from hurting his emotions by sniggering too loudly.

In a not-too-distant future, a world oppressed by the shadow of Terrorism cried out for its saviour. And the counter-terrorism task-force identified solely as HELL listened. Its greatest scientists gathered and cast a plan. They made a prototype warrior; the primary of many able to doing what no mere flesh and blood man ever might. They made him robust. They made him heroic. They made him a residing god.

They made one mistake. They named him Bert Higgins.

Bert Higgins: The Man From HELL

We could by no means know what satisfied the forces of HELL to create a cyborg able to disabling entire armies of hardened terrorists just by saying his title. Who wants a machine-gun when simply these three syllables—which you simply know can be grunted in an Arnie voice—might result in criminals and hostages alike collapsing into the identical pool of hysterical laughter and doubtless a little bit little bit of pee. There is not any going again from that. Who cares if the day is saved if even the mayor cannot preserve a straight face whereas handing the hero his medals afterwards?

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